My Friend Doubt: Making the Thing Anyway

Stand-up teaches you to listen fast. You know pretty quickly if something is working. People laugh, or they look at you like you are an idiot.

Directing is different. There is no audience in the room. There is a camera, a scene, a schedule, and a bunch of choices that will not mean anything until later. The camera does not laugh back. It does not politely clear its throat. Cameras are terrible audiences, But slightly better than the actual people operating the equipment. They are the most stone-faced people on the planet for a good reason.

Moving from stand-up into directing and independent filmmaking meant getting used to a different rhythm. Comedy is immediate. Film and theatre take time, people, planning, favors, and whatever tools you can get your hands on without screwing up the budget. Independent film is a lot of limited tools, multiple hats, caffeine, gas-station snacks, rewrites, and somebody needing an answer right now to a problem you just found out about.

It is humbling. It is also a good way to learn who actually shows up. A project turns into rehearsals, long days, little fixes, side conversations, and people helping each other get through it. The director gets named, sure, but that is never the whole story. In independent film, collaboration is not some fancy word you say on a panel. It is the job.

Doubt is there the whole time. Not in a dramatic way. More like a guy hanging around craft services with too much coffee, asking whether the idea works, whether the scene makes sense, whether anybody is going to get what you are trying to do. It is not helpful every time, but it is consistent.

You do not beat doubt. You make the thing while it keeps talking.

We shot a movie called My Friend Doubt, and this is what it ment to me. Raven wrote this thing, and we ran to complete it, cast, crew, and yes. Doubt. When we left the set and started playing festivals. Festivals are a little like speed dating for movies. You show up, hope for a connection, try not to act desperate, and then sit there wondering if this room is with you or if everybody is just thinking aboutwhat snarky thing they will say about your film.

The strange part is watching something that lived in your head end up in front of strangers. They laugh at places you did not expect. They catch details you thought nobody would notice. Sometimes they go with you. Sometimes they do not. That is the deal.

The Garden State Film Festival was the film's final festival appearance, and that felt like the right last stop. By then, I was mostly grateful the thing existed at all. It started as an idea from Raven, turned into a set full of people trying to make the day work, and then somehow wound up in rooms full of strangers nodding in approval.

That is still the part I keep coming back to. Sitting there, watching people react to something we made, and remembering why I started in the first place.

Awards for My Friend Doubt (partial list)

• Awareness Film Festival (2024) — Grand Jury Award, Narrative Short.
• Best Shorts Competition (2024) — Award of Merit, Best Actress (Jeanna Schweppe); Award of Merit, Script/Writer (Raven Petretti-Stamper); Award of Recognition, Film Short (Mark Riccadonna and Raven Petretti-Stamper); Award of Recognition, Director (Mark Riccadonna); Award of Recognition, Actress: Supporting (Snezhana Chernyavskaya).
• Indie Short Fest (August 2024) — Best Makeup and Hairstyling (Gina Gill).
• Brightside Tavern Film Festival (August 2024) — Best Actress–Medium Short (Jeanna Schweppe).
• New York International Film Awards (July 2024) — Best Inspirational Short; Best Actress (Jeanna Schweppe).
• New York Lift-Off Film Festival — Awards of Recognition for Direction, Film Short, and Actress: Supporting (Snezhana Chernyavskaya).
• New York Underground Film Festival — Best Short.
• Indo Dubai International Film Festival — Best Short Film.